Wish that I could sleep

Hate nights like this.  I tried to go to bed, but my mind just races and my feet are spazzing out all over the place, so I got up.  I’m not tired at all right now and it’s 3am.  But I don’t feel like DOING anything either.  Tried to watch TV, can’t get into it.  Did some crochet but my hands can only do that for a little while these days.  Games on the computer that I usually love are NOT holding my interest.  I took an ambien 2 hours ago hoping that would help but so far no go.  Dunno, just not sure what to do to pass the time right now.  It’s definitely not for lack of things to do… I’m surrounded by them, including boxes of papers and junk that need to be sorted and filed or thrown away.  House cleaning, art projects, etc.   I’m just not interested in any of them right now.  My therapist said this week, “Fake it until you become it.”  And I get it.  I just don’t want to right now.  There’s too many things I want to become and I can’t decide where to start faking it.  We talked about unraveling from my fetal position that I”m working so hard to protect myself in.  And I’m torn.  Part of me is jumpy and has energy and wants to accomplish something and part of me wants to wrap myself back up and ignore it all.  And I can’t quite seem to get both feet in either place right now.  How do people pass  the time when they are in that space?  Really.  Cause I don’t know.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. ccchanel41
    Sep 11, 2014 @ 18:18:33

    Really great description in this one…totally relate -CC

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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