Blood on Your Teeth

I’ve been trying to figure out how you learn to love people again.  Or let them love you.  How do you bond or connect to people again when you’ve forgotten how?  I’m not even sure when I forgot… I just know I don’t really feel that in my life.  Especially in the places I want most to feel it.  I watch my sister and my niece and I’m so incredibly jealous of the bond they have.  I want that.  How do I get that?

When I was thinking about this post, I was trying to think of the song or video I’d put with it, because that’s my format.  I know it’s a bit different, but sometimes, if I frame my issue through that lens I get new perspective about it.  Definitely this time I got perspective.  I’ve always loved the song “I Know I’m A Wolf” from Young Heretics and have often tried to pinpoint exactly what it makes me feel.  I always thought I related to the wolf in the story because I could understand the desperation and loneliness.  It wasn’t until I put these two thoughts together that I realized I’m the rabbit in the story.  And all I see are wolves.

 

And the thing about this song, is you don’t really know if you CAN trust the wolf.  And so I remain a scared little rabbit.   How do you forget the blood on their teeth so that you can be brave long enough to trust?

I don’t know… I’ve always been the type to try to make fewer, closer friends… but a lot of times I feel totally abandoned by the people I feel I’m supposed to be able to rely on.  And it’s probably not because I’m too needy, it’s probably because I haven’t let them know how much I depend on them.  I’ve had some truly crappy friends (not that I don’t know I also have some great ones!) in my life… people who spread rumors about me, people who lied and cheated me to my face… I think I’ve gotten better at choosing friends, but they seem to come in and out of my life so easily.  Very few people stick around.  And now, realizing I’m “the rabbit”… I wonder if any of them have just gotten tired of trying to carry that connection.  So how do you learn to let them in?  I wish I knew, because it’s kind of lonely over here.

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