Looking for love

Nah, not the romantic kind.  The kind that says “this is me”.  I remember years ago in group therapy, the question was something along the lines of “what are you searching for?”  And I think it was supposed to be a one word answer.  I remember “beauty” was the answer for me.  I feel sometimes like my soul is starving.  And having witnessed first hand such ugliness… I just want things that speak to my heart.  The kind of beauty that brings tears to your eyes.

This last couple of years, being sick, I’ve lost a lot of motivation to do, well, much at all.  I have “interests” in things… like, my pinterest page is chock-full of stuff I think is awesome… but if I could do or be anything in the world- no obstacles… I have NO idea what that would be.  I mean, I enjoyed massage therapy- I enjoyed the exposure to a lot of alternative ways of thinking, but I don’t LOVE it.  It’s not my calling.  I started making jewelry for a while- and there was a lot of satisfaction there.  In fact, I used to say my dream job would be to have a workshop full of crap and to just be able to make stuff out of it.  But there isn’t one particular art form that really calls to me either.  I  know I’m looking for something creative, but just, no clue anymore what that is.

Have you ever seen Steven Sharp Nelson (The Piano Guys) play the cello?  I mean… his soul is on his face when he plays, if that makes sense.  He shines.  He is so in love with what he is doing, I could watch him play all day!  And the music pretty much doesn’t suck either (in other words, it’s gorgeous).  Watch him play and tell me that doesn’t make you want to feel that:

 

 

 

These are just 3 of my favorites.  Truth is, I could listen to these guys all day.  They even have a couple of songs that appeal to my inner geek 🙂

But yeah, I wish I could find that kind of just pure joy in my life…

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kat
    Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:19:59

    you are not alone in wondering what you really want, who you really are. i too am still searching. i have found things i like, a lot, things i enjoy greatly. but i have not found that one thing that says ‘this is me’. i will keep searching, and hope you will too. maybe we will both find it sooner rather than later.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. kat
    Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:23:41

    i always thought ‘this is me’ about being a mother, but the last year or so, it seems that is not my ‘love’, not my definition of who i am, although it seemed to be so for a long while.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • kmaramarie
      Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:44:14

      I often wonder if that is what i am looking for, at least part of it, but my health seems to keep pushing it further away. I’m already 37 and worry by the time I get there I’ll be too old to keep up!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. ccchanel41
    Oct 02, 2014 @ 02:26:06

    I too so often think about finding my joy now. Worry or get angry about my health and how it hinders me. Knowing there is and always was more than just motherhood for me. Love my kids, but I am me. Well, me ‘ s lol. So much. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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