Looking for love

Nah, not the romantic kind.  The kind that says “this is me”.  I remember years ago in group therapy, the question was something along the lines of “what are you searching for?”  And I think it was supposed to be a one word answer.  I remember “beauty” was the answer for me.  I feel sometimes like my soul is starving.  And having witnessed first hand such ugliness… I just want things that speak to my heart.  The kind of beauty that brings tears to your eyes.

This last couple of years, being sick, I’ve lost a lot of motivation to do, well, much at all.  I have “interests” in things… like, my pinterest page is chock-full of stuff I think is awesome… but if I could do or be anything in the world- no obstacles… I have NO idea what that would be.  I mean, I enjoyed massage therapy- I enjoyed the exposure to a lot of alternative ways of thinking, but I don’t LOVE it.  It’s not my calling.  I started making jewelry for a while- and there was a lot of satisfaction there.  In fact, I used to say my dream job would be to have a workshop full of crap and to just be able to make stuff out of it.  But there isn’t one particular art form that really calls to me either.  I  know I’m looking for something creative, but just, no clue anymore what that is.

Have you ever seen Steven Sharp Nelson (The Piano Guys) play the cello?  I mean… his soul is on his face when he plays, if that makes sense.  He shines.  He is so in love with what he is doing, I could watch him play all day!  And the music pretty much doesn’t suck either (in other words, it’s gorgeous).  Watch him play and tell me that doesn’t make you want to feel that:




These are just 3 of my favorites.  Truth is, I could listen to these guys all day.  They even have a couple of songs that appeal to my inner geek 🙂

But yeah, I wish I could find that kind of just pure joy in my life…

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kat
    Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:19:59

    you are not alone in wondering what you really want, who you really are. i too am still searching. i have found things i like, a lot, things i enjoy greatly. but i have not found that one thing that says ‘this is me’. i will keep searching, and hope you will too. maybe we will both find it sooner rather than later.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. kat
    Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:23:41

    i always thought ‘this is me’ about being a mother, but the last year or so, it seems that is not my ‘love’, not my definition of who i am, although it seemed to be so for a long while.

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Oct 01, 2014 @ 12:44:14

      I often wonder if that is what i am looking for, at least part of it, but my health seems to keep pushing it further away. I’m already 37 and worry by the time I get there I’ll be too old to keep up!

      Liked by 1 person


  3. ccchanel41
    Oct 02, 2014 @ 02:26:06

    I too so often think about finding my joy now. Worry or get angry about my health and how it hinders me. Knowing there is and always was more than just motherhood for me. Love my kids, but I am me. Well, me ‘ s lol. So much. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 69 other followers

Foxglove & Firmitas

Life, Death, & the Polytheist Revival


Surviving The Trumpages

Sage Goddess

The path to healing is not a yellow brick road...

Praying for Eyebrowz

Doing the best I can with what I have

The Pursuit of Badassery

Live bold || Seek truth || Own your story || Never surrender || Be fucking brave.

Colitis To Ostomy

Punk Rock Ostomate

Gemineye Holistics

Building the holistic life you want

Writing my Waves

learning to cope with mental illness

Runtu's Rincón

popular culture no longer applies to me

Miss Apostate

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying', and if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did'." ~ Jack Handey


fandom, funny, superwholock, assassin's creed, video games, nerd

Old Road Apples

A Magnificent Fountain of Gurgling Wit, Wisdom, and Intriguing Insights. Some Other Stuff, Too.

Dearest Someone,

writing through chaos

the liminal life of m

poems. prayers, and ponderings


A fine WordPress.com site

%d bloggers like this: