Does anyone else think that depression itself is addicting? I mean, like, when you go to therapy or whatever and you know the next move, or you know the healthy alternative coping mechanism. Like right now, I know I should go to bed. It’s important that I get on a healthy sleep cycle. But I’m probably going to go watch TV for a few more hours. Or I know I need healthier eating habits, but lots of times I put it off because… well there’s a variety of reasons, but basically because I can. Like I know I need to confront and deal with my anger issues, but I don’t want to. I don’t even want to try the easy things to start the process. Even though I’ve talked extensively with my therapist about how important that is. I just find myself making choices sometimes that I KNOW will probably help keep or create the depressive cycle I’m stuck in. Is it addiction to the cycle? Or is it control issues or fear or what? I mean, control and fear, they definitely are playing their part. I know that. But is there more to it? I don’t even drink alcohol, I’m very careful not to abuse medications, but there are just times when a simple choice could probably make a big difference and I choose the one that keeps things the same. Just some thoughts… curious how the rest of you view it…
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May 15, 2015 @ 23:34:06
i suppose it is possible, however, i think the issues include, as you said, fear and control, and additionally, humans like any other creature, do not like change, even when they know it would be good. we get stuck in our rut, and we know what to expect from it (even if not pleasant). it takes some pushing, some doing, to kick us out of that rut and into the never explored…and that is scary and exciting and may be good or bad. is it any wonder we generally try to avoid this? we have so little control now, do we want to take a chance to change it–esp if it might be for the worse after all?
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May 16, 2015 @ 03:24:44
You know you’ve hit a nail on the head when your response gives me tears. I don’t cry much. But thanks… I think you are very right, It’s so frustrating to be in that place right now.
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May 25, 2015 @ 03:35:56
I think making the choice to live, is enough to frighten the fuck out of yourself sometimes. Ya know? It makes perfect sense to me, and it is part of my “I’d rather die” vs “I’d rather live” stuff, that yes, depression does become an addictive form of continuing on the cycle of abuse. Depends what bus you’re on – I am of the opinion that some people actually “employ” depression to be on board with them.Especially if said depression has been a lifelong friend. Why would we give it up? It makes sense that we’d hang on to it with everything we’ve got! And then some!
And for me personally, there’s no shame in that. We’re all entitled to our ways of relating to the world and ourselves in whatever way works for you, for me .. for anyone. The problem seems to arise, when we are wanting to take on board a new behaviour say, or wanting to do something a little different and we find ourselves in conflict. It’s at this point that I think we need to do a little psychological investigating of ourselves – in baby steps though. Far too many of us leap off at the deep end without having first learning how to freaking float!
I am severely obese. I know more than anyone else I know how important it is to eat properly and to exercise blah blah blah …. some days … nah! Too hard. Sometimes I enjoy the comfort that wallowing around in self pity / anything else is more appealing than a carrot stick or yet another fucking bottle of water. I understand and accept that in the time it takes me to get my head around my eating disordered behaviours that I could die. I have however, been around long enough now to know that leaping off the deep end is setting myself up for failure. Choosing to do nothing, is setting myself up for failure. Allowing others to tell me what to do is setting myself up for failure. I am now, at the age of 46, able to make some changes within my lifestyle that are creating productive ripples in the lake of food and it’s associated behaviours.
There is no promise that I’ll make it. After all I’ve been severely obese practically my entire life. I’ve pushed alcohol and other drugs through my body. A myriad of men have been through, and I’ve wanted death for decades.
As you also read CC’s journal – you’ll know that I tend to woffle on and on and on sometimes. I was tempted to delete most of this. Then I thought to myself that you or someone else who reads you may find something in this comment of use for them. And that would be just great.
Be well.
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May 29, 2015 @ 22:25:57
ahahaha…. I see what I did there! Hmmm should have caught up on my own comment queue before leaving new comments on your journal 🙂 If you have no idea what I’m referring to, let me know, but I think you will!
I am SOOOOOOO glad you didn’t delete a single word of this! As I was reading, all I could think of as a response, was “Wise words… WISE WORDS.” And that truly covers every word you wrote. Thank you ❤
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Jun 03, 2015 @ 00:33:28
And thank you for having written about something so important ❤
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