And here it is…

Ok.  So I’m starting to experience that wave of anxiety that comes from sharing personal stuff with basically everyone you grew up with and knew you before “the incident”.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t regret doing it.  I’m glad I did it and I’ve had some great responses from people.  And CC – you’ve sent a ton of people my way, so thank you!  I figure at least 20 people did actually contact their state reps, possibly more did and just didn’t comment- which is totally cool!  I do feel like it was worth it and I do feel like it made a difference.  And whether people took any action or not, I feel I helped bring awareness to a cause that needs awareness!  I’m just finally getting hit and overwhelmed with just how many people actually saw that post on facebook.

See, I’m not super facebook savvy… I tagged a lot of people- the ones who already knew what had happened and had been supportive through that time in my life or were still in my life, and a few who I knew didn’t know, but I knew were the type of people who would take action if I asked them to.  What I didn’t realize is that tagging people makes it show up in their newsfeed so everyone they are friends with sees it as well.  AND everyone I tagged had to put up with notifications everytime someone liked it or commented, etc.  And it’s not that I’m not ok with all those extra people seeing it… I mean, I invited people to share it when I posted it… but like, I have 135 “friends” on facebook.  So I figured that many plus a few more were probably going to see it and eventually word would probably get around the old neighborhood like things do, but it didn’t occur to me that sooooo many people were going to see it all at once.  I mean, I have one friend who actually has nearly 1,000 friends on facebook.  And THAT number is really overwhelming right now.  Kinda putting a whole new spin on the question of, do I go to the HS reunion this summer or NOT?  dfa;skfj;asjdf;lsj fa;it

(sorry, keyboard vomit…)

Again, no regrets…. just the inevitable anxiety.  Yikes.  It’s OK.

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. CC
    Jun 02, 2015 @ 06:45:47

    ok internet keeps going out…grr
    love you…keep writing out your feelings..about this…I totally understand…
    very proud of you though…
    keep talking and writing about it…and girl I tweeted the whole damn house and senate!
    much love and respect! xx

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Jun 02, 2015 @ 17:15:38

      Thanks. My night last night was (if I were ready to laugh about it), hilariously awful! I took my clonazepam for the night but needed to eat something before I could take the rest of my meds, which I had to wait to do because I was definitely due for a real shower. (Still taking a lot of “sink baths” while I’m still adjusting to the ostomy). Anyway, hoping the hot shower would also help me relax (silly, due to my afore mentioned shower anxiety), I instead nearly passed out in the shower because my breathing was all anxiety – ridden. Got out of the shower and saw that my ostomy had sprung a leak while I was in there. I still haven’t unpacked from my last trip and my brain was already all over the place so all my stuff was sitting in the living room. Running half-naked through my house past the windows at night doesn’t sit well with my PTSD brain, so by the time I got all my supplies together I couldn’t even figure out what to do with them! Long story short, lots of mess (and after my damn shower!), lots of cursing and 3 hours later I had finally been able to eat and take my other meds. Once they finally kicked in, I was OK. Slept really well and so far doing ok today. Just one HELL of a night!
      Thanks for all of your encouragement and support. You don’t know how much it helps! (Also, you have a lot of cool followers who have checked my blog out the latest couple of days. Thanks again! ) Love ya sister!



  2. Teri
    Jun 02, 2015 @ 07:14:34

    Girl, those who know you, know how far you’ve come in your life,…….. to EVEN be able to speak about your past………..this is so huge for you! Be proud. Once again, you are strongly taking your life back. I love you. T.

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Jun 02, 2015 @ 17:20:23

      Love you too, Teri. I am proud. This was something I never thought I’d do. My strategy in HS and church growing up was basically to hide, be as small as possible, don’t get noticed! I just kinda freaked a little when I started looking at some of my friend’s friends lists and putting names and faces together and it just got overwhelming super fast. But honestly, I feel like that was an ok reaction to have, I’m just surprised I didn’t have it sooner! Thanks for having my back, love you always!



  3. aka Deb
    Jun 06, 2015 @ 23:44:19

    Hmm. WP is having issues with me leaving comments from time to time 😦

    I’m pehretty sure I commented on this anxious entry erm Thursday evening /early hours Friday morning NZ time. I remember the “keyboard vomit” statement and couldn’t stop chuckling for ages!

    Anyways, how you doing after this entry?

    Liked by 1 person


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