Just a quick note…

I know I’ve been reblogging a lot.  I would like to write more… but a couple of things have kind of been in the way.  First- my big huge step last week.  Still no regrets.  But still having some anxiety anytime I sit at the computer.  Weird.  Every response I got to my post was WONDERFUL, but I wanted to reply to every comment and thank those who took the time to read my story and follow the links.  It just got kind of overwhelming when I started getting responses from people who didn’t know about my past and I felt I had to think more carefully about each response

I was really looking forward to therapy last week to show my therapist what I had posted.  He thought it was super great.  As he pointed out, I’ve been really stuck this whole last year (and longer, before I started seeing him) somewhere between flight and freeze.  He said I’d finally moved to Fight.  That doing what I did was Fighting.  And I totally agree it was a really healthy and necessary step for my own healing.  But it kind of makes sense that I would Fight a bit, then retreat back to safety, which is kind of what I’ve done.  Knowing that I’m entering a new phase in healing, however small or large that movement is, has caused me a lot of anxiety.  As I’ve said before, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE!  Even when it’s good, healthy, positive change, it is hard for me to adjust.  So… Anxiety- reason #1.

Also, the last few weeks, my shoulder pain has really started to flare.  It used to just hurt constantly at different levels, but give me 10-15 minutes on the computer and my whole right side starts to go numb.  So… having to be careful with that.  I also learned last week that I probably have Crohn’s, so taking any NSAID is probably not so good for me if I can avoid it.  That leaves me with Tylenol – which no longer works by itself- and oxycodone.  I tend to develop tolerance to almost any medication pretty quickly, so I have to try to keep my pain under control before it gets to the point I need a pain pill.  So- much less computer time for me.

I’m still going to be trying to catch up on everyone else’s blogs, just reading a lot on my tablet or phone, but probably won’t be leaving comments as often.  But if I’ve liked the post, it means I read it and I heard you.  And I might have to save some to come back and comment later.

Anyway- I just don’t want anyone to think I’ve disappeared or worry about me.  I’m doing ok.  Just have to get through this anxious period, which I think was both inevitable and probably a normal and ok response to events, and hopefully when I see my primary doc on Thursday we can come up with a new plan for my shoulder pain.  Because I don’t know what the HELL I’m going to do without being able to spend time on the computer!   AHHH.

Anyway, just wanted to check in with real words from me.   Probably you will see more reblogging for a while, and I’ll try to check in every once in a while.  I love what my blog has brought to me, wonderful people and ideas and a safe place to express my own stuff.  I refuse to give it up, shoulder pain or no!   Hope ya’all are doing well.  Love and Hugs tonight!

Hmm… I should add a fanvid, just for the hell of it.  Let me go find one (I promise it will be completely irrelevant to my post, just something I love and use to cope with!)


Well I realized I don’t think I’ve ever posted a Doctor Who video, which is a shame!  And I had SUCH a hard time deciding which one to post.  But here’s the one I went with.  Doctor Who is awesome (though I have to admit my fangirl shame:  I have never seen the old series, just the new series starting with Christopher Eccelston as Nine. SO FAR!  Someday I will watch them all.)  If you’ve never seen it, give it a try… but give it a few episodes.  It’ll be nothing like you expect, but it will grow on you and live forever!  This vid features my personal favorite doctor, Ten, played by David Tennant, who, well, just, yum,  Also, I think the vidder, Seduff, does an excellent job, so just enjoy, and have a smile for me 🙂

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kat
    Jun 08, 2015 @ 04:18:43

    dr who is Amazing! my fave show ever…ever since i was a kid! you should watch the old season…at least a few of each of them. the really awesome ones were 3 (Pertwee), 4 (Tom Baker), 67(Sylvester McCoy). But all of them bear watching a few eps each, just so you get a feel for the doctor over all.

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Jun 09, 2015 @ 20:26:56

      YAY Whovian’s unite! I found a new Supernatural friend this week too! I’m a total geek, which I suppose is probably obvious by now 🙂 I always plan to watch the original run, but then I get swayed by that great hair of Ten and I find myself rewatching his eps! BUT SOMEDAY I swear, I will watch. I’d like to know more of the Doctor’s history and the world building that already existed. So I will. For Sure. Soon. 😉

      Liked by 1 person


  2. A nose that is Māori
    Jun 08, 2015 @ 04:50:56

    I kept getting an image of you as a turtle – where you have this hard protective shell around you and you get to choose with who and when to interact with the world around you by popping your head out and back in again! Fantastic!

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Jun 09, 2015 @ 21:04:17

      Hmm. You make me smile. I might have to find myself a little turtle figurine to remind myself that I HAVE that shell 🙂 I have a little sea otter that is supposed to remind me to be myself and make some noise and stop caring so much what other people think. He could probably use a little turtle friend on my desk. ❤



  3. A nose that is Māori
    Jun 08, 2015 @ 05:00:19

    ps: Your reblogs have been fabulous.

    Liked by 1 person


  4. manyofus1980
    Jun 16, 2015 @ 21:26:07

    Glad your ok! Sorry about the shoulder pain. Hope that eases for you soon. XXX

    Liked by 1 person


    • kmaramarie
      Jul 07, 2015 @ 18:43:48

      Thanks! It might actually be getting better. I’ve started some physical therapy for pelvic pain and it seems to be helping my shoulder in a round-about way. MRIs and Xrays don’t show anything physically wrong, but I think there is a lot of myofascial trauma stored many places in my body, the shoulder just being one. It’ll be interesting to see how all this phys. therapy goes!



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