Holy shit the WHY

Even if nothing else in this song made sense, WHY is perfection.  There are no other words.  Which is good, ’cause I’m still short on them.  Just holy shit, the WHY.  (Flaw- Fall Into This)

“Fall Into This”

Torn away from all that matters
And led by the wrong intentions
I know it wouldn’t be too easy, not yet
To go somewhere I’m afraid of
It’s made of…

Thoughts I’m receiving, making me say
That I know I’ll just be there once again
Lord I’m lost and then I’m tossed
Thoughts I’m receiving, making me say
That I know I’ll just be there once again
No…

Wrong, nothing really matters
If I was gone, would it make you any sadder?
I feel half as good as normal, you know
To steal – what to steal – what’s already taken
Here I go again…

Thoughts I’m receiving, making me say
That I know I’ll just be there once again
Lord I’m lost and then I’m tossed
Thoughts I’m receiving, making me say
That I know I’ll just be there once again

I think you know,
That you did this to me
I think you know,
That you did this to me
I think you know…
That you did this to me, you did this to me!

Why?!
You did this to me, I just want to know
Why?!
You did this to me
And it starts

God I’m losing sleep again
God I’m losing sleep again
And I feel my way
Thank you for making me talk
God I’m losing sleep again
God I’m losing sleep
And I failed, I think you know

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Just a quick note…

I know I’ve been reblogging a lot.  I would like to write more… but a couple of things have kind of been in the way.  First- my big huge step last week.  Still no regrets.  But still having some anxiety anytime I sit at the computer.  Weird.  Every response I got to my post was WONDERFUL, but I wanted to reply to every comment and thank those who took the time to read my story and follow the links.  It just got kind of overwhelming when I started getting responses from people who didn’t know about my past and I felt I had to think more carefully about each response

I was really looking forward to therapy last week to show my therapist what I had posted.  He thought it was super great.  As he pointed out, I’ve been really stuck this whole last year (and longer, before I started seeing him) somewhere between flight and freeze.  He said I’d finally moved to Fight.  That doing what I did was Fighting.  And I totally agree it was a really healthy and necessary step for my own healing.  But it kind of makes sense that I would Fight a bit, then retreat back to safety, which is kind of what I’ve done.  Knowing that I’m entering a new phase in healing, however small or large that movement is, has caused me a lot of anxiety.  As I’ve said before, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE!  Even when it’s good, healthy, positive change, it is hard for me to adjust.  So… Anxiety- reason #1.

Also, the last few weeks, my shoulder pain has really started to flare.  It used to just hurt constantly at different levels, but give me 10-15 minutes on the computer and my whole right side starts to go numb.  So… having to be careful with that.  I also learned last week that I probably have Crohn’s, so taking any NSAID is probably not so good for me if I can avoid it.  That leaves me with Tylenol – which no longer works by itself- and oxycodone.  I tend to develop tolerance to almost any medication pretty quickly, so I have to try to keep my pain under control before it gets to the point I need a pain pill.  So- much less computer time for me.

I’m still going to be trying to catch up on everyone else’s blogs, just reading a lot on my tablet or phone, but probably won’t be leaving comments as often.  But if I’ve liked the post, it means I read it and I heard you.  And I might have to save some to come back and comment later.

Anyway- I just don’t want anyone to think I’ve disappeared or worry about me.  I’m doing ok.  Just have to get through this anxious period, which I think was both inevitable and probably a normal and ok response to events, and hopefully when I see my primary doc on Thursday we can come up with a new plan for my shoulder pain.  Because I don’t know what the HELL I’m going to do without being able to spend time on the computer!   AHHH.

Anyway, just wanted to check in with real words from me.   Probably you will see more reblogging for a while, and I’ll try to check in every once in a while.  I love what my blog has brought to me, wonderful people and ideas and a safe place to express my own stuff.  I refuse to give it up, shoulder pain or no!   Hope ya’all are doing well.  Love and Hugs tonight!

Hmm… I should add a fanvid, just for the hell of it.  Let me go find one (I promise it will be completely irrelevant to my post, just something I love and use to cope with!)

…….

Well I realized I don’t think I’ve ever posted a Doctor Who video, which is a shame!  And I had SUCH a hard time deciding which one to post.  But here’s the one I went with.  Doctor Who is awesome (though I have to admit my fangirl shame:  I have never seen the old series, just the new series starting with Christopher Eccelston as Nine. SO FAR!  Someday I will watch them all.)  If you’ve never seen it, give it a try… but give it a few episodes.  It’ll be nothing like you expect, but it will grow on you and live forever!  This vid features my personal favorite doctor, Ten, played by David Tennant, who, well, just, yum,  Also, I think the vidder, Seduff, does an excellent job, so just enjoy, and have a smile for me 🙂

All the feels (have I used this subject title before? hmmm….)

I feel like I’ve been a terrible friend here online, so I’m sorry.  I love all of you who I have talked with here online.  Those of you who have shared such personal pieces of yourself… I feel like you deserve more from me, especially when you have given me so much by reading and support me!  I know you know I’m doing the best I can right now, but I still feel the need to acknowledge it.  Just a week and a half ago, I got introduced to some really great stuff by CC and Alex over at https://ccchanel41.wordpress.com/  (Refractory Ramblings from the Darkside).  Both things have totally gone into my coping strategies toolbox.

First, Bo Burnham and “What.” is the most genius things I’ve seen in a while.  Laughter and truth all in one.  https://youtu.be/ejc5zic4q2A  His show is free on Youtube and Netflix.  It’s totally NSFW but watch when you can because it’s brilliant and I’ve watched it like 5 times in the last 8 days, hahah.  I feel bad for the people (who are too too many) I can’t share it with because of content.  They are missing something awesome.

Second?  Amanda Palmer.  How did I not know this woman existed???  In the hours I haven’t been watching Bo Burnham, she’s been playing 24/7.  I love music of all kinds.  I communicate and find places where my feelings exist in music very often, but there are only a few who just bring the feels with every word.  Even when I don’t know what she’s referring to, the emotion is still there and it’s just wrapped itself around my heart!  I can’t even describe it.  I could share any number of her songs here, but the one that’s really gotten too me the last few days is “Trout Heart Replica.”

At first, the lyrics that caught me were:

And killing things is not so hard
It’s hurting that’s the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me
I’m asking for a smaller heart

And then one day…

And the butcher stops and winds his watch and lays their lives down on the block
He raises up his hatchet and the big hand strikes a compromise
Wait, we’ll trade you
Wait
Please just one more day
And then we’ll go with no complaining
No complaining
No complaining
No complaining

And holy shit.  I remembered that feeling.  The “butcher” holding me down with a knife, and all I could think was Wait… Just one more day…Please just one more day.  And now the whole song takes even more meaning and a new feeling and I just keep listening to it.

I’m not the fish anymore, right now.  But….

they’re cutting
And they’re cutting
And I think that I know
And they’re gutting
And they’re gutting
And I think that I know
And it’s beating
Look, it’s beating
And I don’t want to know
And it’s beating
Look, it’s still beating
God, I don’t want to know

And killing things is not so hard
It’s hurting that’s the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me
I’m asking for a smaller heart
And if he tells me “no”
I’ll hold my breath until I hit the floor
Eventually I’m know I’m doomed
To get what I am asking for…

I’ve never been able to put such accurate words to the way I feel.  Smaller heart?  YES PLEASE.  THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So much about this song!

dwfeels

So I actually have a lot of life stuff to write about… but I keep avoiding it, so I’m starting easy today.  Maybe I will try again tomorrow to write about what’s been up.  ‘Cause this brain needs to dump.  Room is very scarce for anything else.

Hope you love Bo and Amanda as much as I do now.  And as much as I love you all.

#AlwaysKeepFighting  (yes, I will keep using this hashtag on posts because its something I am desperately taking to heart and I need the constant reminder myself.)

I was an angel

In the land of Gods and Monsters
I was an Angel
Living in the garden of evil
Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed
Shining like a fiery beacon

You got that medicine I need
Fame, Liquor, Love give it to me slowly
Put your hands on my waist, do it softly
Me and God, we don’t get along so now I sing

No one’s gonna take my soul away
I’m living like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees sprees and I’m singing
‘Fuck yeah give it to me this is heaven, what I truly
Want’
It’s innocence lost
Innocence lost

In the land of Gods and Monsters
I was an Angel
Looking to get fucked hard
Like a groupie incognito posing as a real singer
Life imitates art

You got that medicine I need
Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart please
I don’t really wanna know what’s good for me
God’s dead, I said ‘baby that’s alright with me’

No one’s gonna take my soul away
I’m living like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees sprees and I’m singing
‘Fuck yeah give it to me this is heaven, what I truly
Want’
It’s innocence lost
Innocence lost

When you talk it’s like a movie and you’re making me
Crazy –
Cause life imitates art
If I get a little prettier can I be your baby?
You tell me, “life isn’t that hard”

No one’s gonna take my soul away
I’m living like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees sprees and I’m singing
‘Fuck yeah give it to me this is heaven, what I truly
Want’
It’s innocence lost
Innocence lost

-Gods & Monsters by Lana Del Rey

I was going to write a narrative to go with each piece of lyrics, but then I decided the song spoke better for itself AND for me than I could… but tried to use color instead to match the emotion for me.  Did it work?  Well enough for me 🙂

I’m attaching a fan vid first because it’s where I discovered this song and I love the video.  HOWEVER, if you want to avoid spoilers for “Lost Girl” season 4 don’t watch this first version.  Watch the second instead.

Non-spoilery song with lyrics:

=-=-=-=

Since I haven’t posted many fanvids lately, and now I’m in a “Lost Girl” sort of mood, here’s one more for Kenzi, who is my heart as well… she don’t take shit from NO one…!  (Both fanvids were made/edited by The Suffering Fool)

Not Cool Internet!

Wasn’t going to post tonight, but right now I’m pissed.  And afraid to speak out about it, and pissed that there’s any reason to be afraid.  I love Felicia Day.  She’s a role model, not just for geeks and gaming, but just for a person like me, who yes happens to be a geek, but also just happens to be a women who wants to embrace who she is and shine as herself.  I’m endlessly fascinated by her talent, her creativity, her passion, and her acceptance of who she is.  Not to mention her ability to find time and opportunity to experience so many of the different things she’s interested in.  She has always appeared to be to be intelligent and genuine in what she does.  I about peed my pants when she was cast on Supernatural.  The pairing of my favorite role model and my favorite TV show???  NOTHING COULD BE GREATER.

And now?  She’s being attacked, threatened.  Like many other women in her industry right now.  And it’s not with criticism, valid or otherwise.  We’re talking rampant rape and death threats made to her and others.  It makes me sick.  What is wrong with these people?

“I haven’t been able to stomach the risk of being afraid to get out of my car in my own driveway because I’ve expressed an opinion that someone on the internet didn’t agree with. 

HOW SICK IS THAT? 

I have allowed a handful of anonymous people censor me. They have forced me, out of fear, into seeing myself a potential victim. 

And that makes me loathe not THEM, but MYSELF….

…I have lived a large part of my life ruled by negative emotions, mainly fear and anxiety. From my experience of working through those issues, I have this to say: Steeping yourself in the emotions that you’re surrounding yourself with, of hatred and bile and contempt, is ultimately not destructive to others like you want it to be. It’s destructive to yourself. “

(thisfeliciaday.tumblr.com/post/100700417809/the-only-thing-i-have-to-say-about-gamer-gate)

It’s not hard to see why I read those words and get affected.  Of course I understand them.  And that just makes me take it even more personally.

I’m not a gamer, so I can’t comment on the main issue surrounding all of this.  And I realize these kinds of threats are nothing new to the world, obviously- it’s why most of us are writing here.  But I don’t give a shit what the cause is, people who make these kinds of threats should take a left and head straight down to hell.  Right fucking now.

Felicia Day, I think you’re the awesomest awesome to ever awesome and I hope this passes sooner than later.

See me…

OK.  Borrowing some courage from Alex tonight.  (This morning?  Feels like night until I’ve slept a few hours, so… still Tuesday to me!)

I commented to her that there were things I was afraid to write.  But I started this blog so I could tell those stories.  So, I’m going to try to tell them in pieces.  Bite-size chunks.

Who was I?  Sometimes I don’t remember.  She is so far away and I don’t remember how to see the world through her eyes.  I was invisible, most of the time.  I learned to cope with the world through observation, rather than interaction.  Receiving attention was painful.  To my very core, I was so uncomfortable with it.  And yet, I was constantly seeking it through one way or another.  But if I had it- I couldn’t dare to act like I deserved it.  There’s video of me, my senior recital.  A whole frickin’ audience there to listen to me sing for like, an hour.  I had a good voice and I knew it, but I couldn’t let myself act like it.  I loved to sing.  I hate that video.  It’s painful to watch because I can still feel that pain when I remember it.  KNOWING that… I can’t even find the words.  But instead of smiling and interacting with an audience, like I KNEW a good performer would, I pretty much just ignored them.  No eye contact, no smile, it’s so awkward.  It’s not like I didn’t know I was doing it, but you couldn’t have forced a smile on my face for the whole damn universe.  I was physically incapable of doing it.  I mean, I could smile “off-camera” but if it was in anyway attached to my own self-worth, I just couldn’t.  I was not meant to shine in the light.  That’s what I believed.  And I couldn’t dare to change that.  The very thought was offensive.

And I kinda hate her.

I honestly don’t know where those beliefs came from.  I’m lucky when it comes to family.  Lots of love and support, and yet…

Man, this was unbelievably hard for me to write.  But that’s good.  It felt different writing about it, kinda like when I wrote about self-harm.  This is a really really deep piece of me that I hate to look at.  And I right now I feel sad in my heart for how much I resent that poor stupid girl who couldn’t do any different.  (I know she wasn’t stupid- don’t judge me while I’m busy judging myself!)  And now I’ve kind of ruined it by making a joke.  That’s what happens when I get close to something in therapy, shed a few tears, make a sarcastic funny comment, and then it’s gone.  I’ve disconnected.  But… I’m learning.  And it kinda amazes me right now, how much easier it is to sit here and feel this shit while blogging.  This just might be the safest place in the world for me right now, and that’s kinda weird.

I feel like I want to verbally and emotionally vomit all over my keyboard.  How’s that for imagery?  But I’m not sure where to take this story next.  SO… bite sized chunk.  And I’ll just sit here while I feel it.  I think that’s good.

I WILL however leave you with a song…

The Patient

So Thursday night I went to bed around 9, exhausted from a few stressful days and not sleeping well for a couple.  I thought I’d be out in seconds.  Nope.  Lay awake for hours.  But it was still restful so I just relaxed and figured I would eventually fall asleep.  At about 3am I finally took an Ambien.  Still no help, but I lay in bed, still sorta resting but not quite sleeping and too tired to get up and do anything else.  At about 8 or 9 am I KNEW I had to get some real sleep so I took a Klonopin and a mild muscle relaxer.  FINALLY SLEEP.  With the exception of getting up to use the restroom a few times I slept till about 10pm, when my husband came from work.  (And I mean REALLY SLEPT.  I WAS OUT.)

When he got home, we had something to eat and watched a little tv.  And by 11 I was ready to go back to bed.  Just so freaking tired!  So that’s what I did.  And I slept again until about 3pm.  Got up for a bit, hung out with the husband, started feeling sick to my stomach around 9 so I went to lay down a while.  Got up a couple hours later then finally went to bed again at 2am.  Slept until about 8pm Sunday.  He’s working overnight again so I HAD to stay awake but all I wanted to do was go back to bed.  I haven’t eaten hardly a thing the last few days.  Everytime I eat I just get terrible consequences (yay for IBD).  So I have no energy.  I’m exhausted, depressed, and all I can think about is how I wish I would just die already.  What God or WHOEVER is asking of me is just too hard and I want to be done.  I struggle to see the point of me living when I am spending most of it in bed.  And it this point I just feel crappy all the time and can’t get excited about the things I love.  I don’t think I’d say I’m suicidal.  I’m too damn stubborn.  But I would happily die in my sleep.  I had a scope for my jpouch last Monday and a teeny tiny part of me hoped I wouldn’t wake up from anesthesia.  I knew I would, so the disappointment was small when I did.  But it just sounds like such a great way to go.  And I don’t know what I’m really holding on to right now.

There’s just soooo much that I feel I will never find my way out of.  Dealing with things, weights, emotions, depressions, fears, anxieties, beliefs, etc. I’ve carried my whole life.  That alone weighs a TON.  Now I’m being asked to deal with this chronic illness that should have technically been “cured” when I had surgery… nobody seems to know what to do to help me anymore with that.  I’m afraid this is the life I have to look forward to.  I scares me, it depresses me, and I just want to go to sleep because i can’t deal with it all right now.

This song has meant a lot of different things to me over the years, but it seems to fit here pretty perfectly.

 

Tool, “The Patient”

(lyrics are in the video)

 

And now its 5:30am and I am going to try to get some sleep before therapy this afternoon.  Back to bed it is!

Modest? Hottest? …Goddess.

I know I’ve been away a while… I’ve been kinda wrapped up in me and not very good about getting it out the last couple weeks.  But I thought I’d give it a try tonight, even though I haven’t yet decided what to write about.  (This is one of my problems, dealing with perfection and imagining the perfect post before I ever sit down…)  But tonight I’ll throw caution to the wind and just write about what is on my mind at the very moment.

I just got done reading through a blog post my cousin shared on facebook- “Modest is not Hottest”.  http://mylifeasacraig.blogspot.com/2014/06/modest-is-not-hottest.html?m=1.  There are some good points made.  I too, grew up LDS, and modesty was always at the forefront of lectures and lessons.  My family took the religion pretty seriously, my dad was the Bishop for many years… there wasn’t a lot of stretching room when it came to what was “right” and what was “wrong”.  I think the author is right when she talks about the conflicting messages about what is “hot”, but I felt there was still such a strong focus on dress and appearance being the way to catch the “right” guy.  I think what is hot, what is sexy and appealing is CONFIDENCE and there is nothing wrong with being hot, sexy or attractive when it comes from a place of confidence.  Knowing who you are and loving who you are, regardless of what style of clothing you choose to wear.  And I think this pushes a button for me, because I think about the personality traits that made me a target to a perpetrator.  And I feel like all those lectures and lessons actually taught me SHAME.  To this day, I’m uncomfortable wearing anything that even remotely accentuates my breasts.  My mom didn’t allow me to go bra-less at home because it might makes my dad or my brothers uncomfortable.  Frankly, that just creeped me out.  And lectures about mowing the lawn in a tank top or showing too much (any) cleavage… I always felt like breasts were these things I had to keep hidden at all costs- something I should be ashamed of having.  I’m not saying modesty isn’t a good policy, but I think it’s a deeper issue than that.

I wish in church I’d been taught how to feel okay about myself, even if I was surrounded by a group full of mean nasty assholes in my classes.  Seriously, people still talk about how no one wanted to teach our age group.  I wish confidence, anger, and how it was ok to put my needs first, how I didn’t need to be nice to every asshole I met, that it was ok for me to make choices, even if they turned out to be the wrong choice, it was still ok to make that mistake and learn from it.  Instead, I was taught shame and guilt for not feeling the way I was supposed to feel.  I learned to be afraid of choices… if the “right” choice wasn’t so clear.  I learned to turn the other cheek and always love your neighbor.  I was taught to “be a good person” instead of “be a whole person” (goddess).  And I think if I’d learned these lessons earlier on in life, maybe my neighbor (always love your neighbor) would not have seen me as a target.

I realize this post is sort of rambly.  When I read it back, I hope it makes some sense.  I’m not posting to tear apart the other girls thoughts, ’cause she does say some good things there and maybe someone out there needs to hear what she has to say.  It just triggered some different thoughts in me that I have wanted to share because they have bothered me a long time.  So there it is.

And now for the completely random fanvid….. ummmm…. well… still reeling from Supernatural’s S9 finale.  So I guess I’ll post one related to that.   Oooh.  Found a couple that make it not so random because they’re about Dean, who still doesn’t believe he’s a thing worthy of being saved.  If anyone needs to learn to be a whole person and to feel ok about himself, it’s Dean.  So here’s two videos that show this (two of my very favorite right now…)

“Worthy” by Volta1228

“Say Something” by Shelly

 

Challenge Accepted…!

Wow.  So I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but kept finding excuses not to get started.  But I’m finally doing it… so yay me!  No more putting it on the shelf of things I “should do”, “would like to do”, “will do”, etc.

So, a little about me and what I’m hoping to accomplish here.  I’m really stuck in life right now.  Emotionally, physically, mentally… just really, really stuck.  Afraid to move.  I can’t keep living like that.  I’ve literally made myself sick, and I’m just tired.  So- it’s time to get creative and try some new things.  This is one of ’em!

I was assaulted in my home nearly 16 years ago.  I say assaulted because that’s usually an easier word, but more specifically, I was raped at knife point by a man in a mask who threatened to kill me if I told anyone.  I will write more about this, but it’s more than I’m ready to get into right now.  Since then, I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, insomnia, PTSD, and just fear in general.  I kind of thought this would be my big trial in life- the big thing I’d have to work through and overcome.  And it’s been a fairly up and down road for the most part.  I’ve had times where I didn’t function so well, but mostly, I pushed through it all and did what I had to do to get through life.  I figured I was managing it as well as could be expected, I guess. I was tired, pretty much all the time, but didn’t feel like there was much I could do about that.  As long as I made it to work each day, I called it a success!  It took ending up in the hospital to realize that maybe my idea of success was a little off.

I’d been having stomach pain for about 2 years.  It started sort of small, but kept getting worse and worse.  I didn’t exactly ignore it, but I was so sure it was just part of the emotional/physical fallout from the assault.  So I went back to therapy, and tried to address it from a more holistic angle.  I didn’t love my doctor at the time and just didn’t really believe she’d tell me it was anything other than stress anyway.  So I kept putting off seeing an MD.  At the time, I was working as a massage therapist and was surrounded by chiropracters, naturopaths, accupuncturists, etc.  I pursued all these things hoping that in conjunction with therapy my stomach would get better.  BUT that was not to be.  It was good most of my clients couldn’t see my face as I was working, because there were times I was nearly floored by sudden stomach pain and it was all I could do to keep massaging without doubling over.  I started dropping weight REALLY fast.  And pretty soon, I couldn’t get through a single appointment without having to excuse myself to use the restroom…. which was mortifying.  I felt terrible that these people were paying me to have a nice relaxing massage and I had to interrupt- sometimes even wake them up- to tell them I had to run out for a moment.  FORTUNATELY, the majority of my clients had been with me a very long time and knew I hadn’t been feeling well.  Everyone was very understanding and no one seemed to mind much, but I hated how unprofessional I felt.  As things kept getting worse, I finally found a great new doctor, and she immediately sent me to a GI specialist.  A couple of weeks and a colonoscopy later, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.

I remember leaving the GI’s office that day thinking, “Well, it doesn’t sound that bad.  Take these meds, sounds like things’ll get better and back to normal soon.”  HA.  I had no idea!  Less than a month later, I was in the hospital and thus began the long, long road of IBD.

…I think I’m going to stop the story there for now because if I keep going, this post is going to get rather lengthy, and frankly, the process of setting up this blog for the first time took a lot longer than I expected!  But hopefully I’ve given you an idea about where I’m coming from and what I’ll be writing about.  Trying to work through years of stored up trauma has always been a lot of work.  Trying to navigate a chronic illness on top of that has been exhausting.  So I’ll probably be writing about those things a lot, but you can probably expect to see some other things thrown in the mix.  In general, I’m pretty introverted so I have many things swirling around in my brain that I don’t share a lot in regular conversation.  I love art, science, music, books, tv and movies… I’m sort of a youtube fanvid addict.    I’m a big tv geek and find that TV can be REALLY therapeutic sometimes.  So I’ll probably post about that stuff from time to time.

Truly, this blog is for me.  Obviously, I hope people read it, but most of all, I need to give voice to all this crud I’ve held inside for so long.  And I’d like to think that some of what I have to say might help someone else who is dealing with some of these same things.  It’s always been a comfort to me to find I’m not alone.  So… yeah.  I hope this is the start of an excellent adventure!  Thanks for reading!

 

Image

 

I found this on pinterest.  It’s my current mantra…

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An irreverent celebration of coffee mugs and--well--irreverency.

Miss Apostate

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying', and if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did'." ~ Jack Handey

Lumos.Nerd

fandom, funny, superwholock, assassin's creed, video games, nerd

Cobweb Queen

you were singing in your sleep

Old Road Apples

A Magnificent Fountain of Gurgling Wit, Wisdom, and Intriguing Insights. Some Other Stuff, Too.

Dearest Someone,

Writing about wellbeing