Fantasy Camp

So we’ve been trying to create my “safe place” in therapy.  It’s not been easy.  The very idea of safety seems, to me, such a falsehood… the best I could do was start with a “happy place.”  That part was kind of easy.  There’s a place we used to go camping when I was a kid.  It’s still the one place I try to visit every summer, even if it’s a short visit.  Something about the mountains and nature in general has also been so calming to me, but this place in particular, seems to still hold a certain magic. Probably remnants of the magic I felt as a child everytime we got to go.  100_0250 SNC00083

So, once we identified the place… we had to figure out how to make it safe.  My homework this week has been to try bringing people into the space that would meet those needs and make it a “safe place.”  The hardest need for me to meet was emotional safety and support.  I tried really hard bringing real life people into my space to meet all these needs, but this was the one I just couldn’t quite fill.  So my therapist suggested trying characters from the books I read or the shows I watch… (he knows I’m a huge geek).

So I gave this a try, but found that I have a really difficult time, if not a complete inability, to separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy.  Which, when I realized this, made a lot of sense.  However, I finally did think of someone that I think can offer me the emotional support, without it getting confused with physical stuff.  And he’s kind of a cross between fantasy and real-life.  I referred to him once as “my ghosty best friend”… he passed away nearly 2 years ago.  I’ll save the details of that friendship for another day, but the memory I have of him… I can sit there next to him in the mountains in silence or in tears and it feels ok.

So I’ve spent a lot of time this week thinking about who I’d bring to the mountain with me and today I was having a bit of fun with it.  I thought it’d be fun and good for me to write it down.  GBF (Ghosty Best Friend) is the only real life person there right now… but…

My fantasy camp would be accessible through various secret portals that are only accessible to the people I’ve invited here.  It’s gonna get a little crowded in here, but it’s fantasy, so there’s plenty of room to go around.  (Yes, I AM about to go through a giant list of favorite book and tv characters so, buckle in!!)

OF COURSE, I have to start with…

BuffySeason8_40

Buffy Summers.

(I know, you were probably expecting someone else, but we’ll get there…)

How can you not feel safe with a Slayer on your team?  I mean, she’s saved the world, a lot.  She’s got the physical skills, and emotionally, she’s had to carry the weight of the world.  Buffy spends time at the camp training other Slayers and of course, ME, to fight.  Plus, we’re great pals 🙂

And while we’re in Buffy’s world… I’m going to have to invite:

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Willow Rosenburg and Tara Maclay.

I’ve always felt an affinity for Willow and Tara is just plain the best.  Plus these girls have some real power between them.  They bring their awesomeness and magical knowledge to share with the camp.

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Oz.

He’s a musician, a werewolf, and all-around cool guy. I mean, Oz would be awesome to hang out with.   So,while he brings some physical skills to the table, mostly I just wanna hang out.

images (34)Rupert Giles.

Of course, Giles has to be there.  He just does.

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 Winifred “Fred” Burkle / Illyria.

In my fantasy camp, they coexist together.  Fred is basically the best, and Illyria is a badass.  What kind of super camp would this be without them?

angel1 buffy-cast-deaths-on-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-7050579-400-300

Anya, Angel, Spike, Cordelia, Lorne, Faith…

and basically the rest of the team, ’cause I wanna be Scooby.

MOVING ON!  (Man, this list is going to get long….I really wanted to list everyone individually, but I’m finding this to be soooo time consuming because I don’t know how to format this page properly!  haha… I think I might have to do more group listings…)

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Sam and Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Castiel, Ellen and Jo Harvelle.

“Family don’t end with blood…”

These guys have all given everything to save the world… they don’t have much, but they have each other.  And they’re gonna go down fighting.  I’d want every one of them on my team.  These guys could probably teach me a thing or two about fighting, too.

John_and_MAry_in_nursery  tumblr_inline_nm6qx5XYyT1rfvmaxsupernatural_118469_top tumblr_miymwoOjAg1qcm0jmo1_250

Young John and Mary Winchester, Charlie Bradbury, Gabriel, and Chuck Shirley.

Ummm, you’d be crazy not to want Chuck on your side 🙂

Charlie- you are my heart and soul and you will live happily ever after at camp!

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Osric Chau and Kim Rhodes

As much as I love their characters on SPN, mostly I just want them to join my camp and be my friends.

NEXT UP:

TV Show-Firefly-759

Um the whole crew from Serenity?

I feel this needs no explanation.

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Also the Leverage team.

I just want to be part of the team 🙂  It looks like fun…

Ok.  I am NOT done with my fantasy camp invitations.  But I’ve totally run out of steam 😦  This is fun though.  Building my own little world… maybe I can imagine a safe place after all…

To Be Continued…!

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Reblog: 16 POSTS HIJACKED BY FANDOMS

Thanks, I needed a smile right about now!

Lumos.Nerd

1. Supernatural

11

2. Doctor Who

15

3. Supernatural

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4. Doctor Who

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5. Doctor Who

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6. Harry Potter

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7. Doctor Who

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8. Harry Potter

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9. Doctor Who

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10. SuperWho

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11. Supernatural

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12. Supernatural 

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13. Supernatural

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14. Harry Potter

12

15. Harry Potter

13

16. Doctor Who

14

Sources:

http://fandomsruiningposts.tumblr.com/page/33

http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/tumblr-posts-hijacked-by-fandoms

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Why do I keep using the #AlwaysKeepFighting hashtag…

Why do I keep using the #AlwaysKeepFighting hashtag? Welcome to the #SPNFamily…

A couple of months ago Jared Padalecki, one of the stars of Supernatural, started a campaign to raise money and awareness for charities like To Write Love On Her Arms.  He shared a lot about his own struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, and his own need for strength and help.  It started with a tee shirt that said “Always Keep Fighting”.  The fandom really took to it.

AKF

For me personally, I came across the Always Keep Fighting campaign on a really really shit day.  It was really one of those days where I just was asking “What the hell am I here for?”  And those words, and his openness and sincerity, actually brought me to tears.  It was just one of those moments you get too rarely when you feel like the world is telling you something.  And I was like… “Man, Jared!  How did you know I needed this today?”

I’m actually sort of addicted to buying geek t-shirts.  It’s pretty much all I wear.  But I usually go for the subtle.  Not the whole- “celebrity on a t-shirt” thing.  Even Jared mentioned he wasn’t sure about putting his face on the shirt, but everyone convinced him it made it more personal (I agree). And… while I wasn’t sure if I would wear it (because- face on a t-shirt?), I knew I wanted to support it and TWLOHA.

It’s kinda become one of my favorite shirts.  When I’m having another shit day, wearing the shirt has reminded me of the message and kept me going.  And people have noticed it and either recognized it themselves or asked about it.  Which is awesome!  YES.  Let’s have a healthy dialogue about mental illness, suicide, addiction, depression, PTSD.  YES TO ALL THIS!

Since the original campaign ended, it has grown into a much bigger thing that both stars, Jared and Jensen Ackles, AND the fans are continuing to raise money and awareness for.  In the last couple of weeks, Jared has been experiencing his own personal crisis and the whole thing has just blown up in response (in a good way).  It’s actually kind of reminded me how awesome people can be.  The world is not full of hate and horrible things.  There is a lot of love out there.

https://fangasmthebook.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/what-the-spnfamily-is-all-about-always-keep-fighting-jared/

If you’re not familiar with these guys and this fandom, it might be easy to see this and think that it’s not sincere.  That it’s a bunch of hot guys getting their faces on t-shirts and making more money.  Publicity stunts.  But you wouldn’t have to look into things very far to realize these guys really just want to do a good thing and use the fan following they have to accomplish great things.

You might also find some weird stuff.  The fandom is known for some of it’s weird stuff.  Not gonna lie.  BUT the fandom really is also known for doing some really awesome things like this.  The official hashtag used to be “SPNfamily” (I don’t know, maybe it still is…) but #AKF and #AlwaysKeepFighting are really what it’s all about.  And hell yes, I will go down with this ship.  Even if I still appear to be a silly fangirl.  I don’t care.  This thing, this show, these people, this fandom, show love that gives me strength on days I’m not sure I can find it.   (Even though I will NEVER forgive you, writers, for that THING YOU DID IN EPISODE 10×21.  grrr… the only time I’ve ever hated Show :/  I’m still not over it.)

PHEW.  SO on that note, I’m gonna leave another reason I love this fandom.  I haven’t posted a fanvid in a LONG time guys.  And this one is technically a parody, so it doesn’t count.  And, true, I’m not sure you’ll really get it or love it if you don’t know the show, but… oh well.  It makes me happy 🙂 ummm spoilers for season 9 and 10 though, if that is important to you?

By the way, the cast cameos at the end- they heard about this video being made and totally volunteered to do it just because they knew the fans would love it.  No pay.  Just love.

And you know what?  Because I’m in such a giving mood… hahah… (actually, it’s probably just the late hour getting to me) but I’m gonna leave ya with one more gem.  But this is one that always gives me chills and makes me cry.  This song is sort of our anthem…

Ok.  Thank you.  Good nite.  I love you all 😉

“Always Keep Fighting” « TWLOHA

Older post, but one I needed to read tonight.  No joke, the day he started the tshirt campaign, those words literally kept me going.  Clinging to them again tonight.

Jared Padalecki Explains What Inspires Him to “Always Keep Fighting” « TWLOHA.

The sun starts to cry…

Holy anxiety, Batman!  Been back and forth to bed a few times and it’s not taking so I guess I’ll write.  Sometimes that helps.  A while ago I mentioned a video that gets my little PTSD heart all teary.

Try to forget that this is a Supernatural fanvid.  It’s sort of “alternate universe” anyway, but it shows this character who has literally been to HELL and seen all sorts of awful in his life.  And then see him trying to live a normal life.  Wake up in the morning… those moments you lie in bed, wondering how you’re going to get through another day.  Then putting on your best face and going to work.  Then the moments when that unreal reality sneaks its way through.  And you try to lose yourself in the monotony of repetitive tasks, till another reminder finds its way in.  See the contrast between the memories and the present day… and how the memories themselves seem to be an alternate universe.  Not really real.  Not until you are reminded again.

This video could possibly be trigger-ish for some, so keep that in mind before watching.  For me, this was like finally being able to SEE the experience that just doesn’t have words.  It was affirmation.  But it is somewhat graphic and I don’t want it to be something that causes a flashback or anxiety itself.

video by Loki/SecretlyToDream “Till the Sun Starts To Cry”

The first time I saw this video, I cried and cried.  It was beautiful to me and I couldn’t stop watching.  I would be REALLY interested to know what ya’ll think.  Does it still translate if you’re not familiar with the show?

I need a hug

Hmmm… this isn’t the post I planned to write.  If you’ve followed this blog at all you know I am an undying Supernatural fan.  People roll their eyes at me now days when I mention it 🙂  But, it speaks to me.  Can’t help it!  There is a particular fanvid that shows (to me) PTSD in a way that my words never could.  I’ve been thinking about posting about it for a while now, and that was my plan tonight.  BUT, it’s not really the mood I’m in.  And when I pulled up my Supernatural playlist on youtube, I got caught up in some other vids.

I know this may not seem like a particularly important or revealing post, especially if you don’t watch the show.  But there really is something about this show that connects to me in a place I just can’t put words to.  And sometimes, that part of me needs to spend hours watching videos on youtube!  I think the first minute of this clip says it best:

I don’t know why I have such a need for people to understand why I love this show so much.  I get it- these are fictional characters.  I know it’s A TV SHOW.  But something about the stories and the characters and the emotion in this show… it’s real.  And it speaks to a very real need of my own.  That need for connection, for unconditional love.  “Somebody to die for, somebody to cry for, when I’m lonely…”



And if you’ve made it this far and watched the previous clips, you may be needing this one:

 

Gah.  Just… feels for this show.  So many feels.

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